I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
