every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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