SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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