we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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