guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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