you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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