After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she told me i tasted like america
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
