So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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