I'm jealous of your bromance
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
