i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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