Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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