DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
