we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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