whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
BRING THE BAGELS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
