Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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