My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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