he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The adults are the big ones right?
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