walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
