Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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