He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
