So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
