just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
