they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
