I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
