I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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