Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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