I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
