Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
