So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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