dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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