I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
