like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
