There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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