She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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