is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
