So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
