Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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