i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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