Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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