the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the day after is always just damage control
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
