okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
