the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
