Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
