I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
