You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
