and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
