Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
even my farts smell like vagina
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize