after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
