Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
