I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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