I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You ate ashes out of my bong
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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