I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
