Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The beer is more important than you right now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
