i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
