well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
