hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize
