Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
