he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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