we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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