She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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