I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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