i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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