so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
