She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
