His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
