i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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