There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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