Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
