Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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