Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
