I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want nice things and good sex
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
