you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
