Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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