if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
