is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
