just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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