I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
