My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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