my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
