Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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