Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
