tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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