Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
