The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
