Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize