Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
they're like a gay fantastic four
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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