I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
