Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
