ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
