I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
