By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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