You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
