Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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